Are we teaching children to fear god, or to be afraid of god

A recent court case out of Maine caught my attention, especially as a Christian mother and the author of a children's Christian book series. The headline circulating online says that a mother was ordered not to take her daughter to church after the child's father argued that the church's teachings were causing their daughter panic attacks and creating a dangerous and harmful environment. As a Christian, a headline like that immediately raises concerns. Are we reaching a point where teaching children about God, Heaven, Hell, judgment, and the return of Christ can be considered harmful? Could a court actually decide that a parent cannot take a child to church because of what that church teaches? Those are legitimate questions, but after looking further into the case, I believe there is much more here for Christian parents to consider than what can fit into a headline.

The case is Bickford v. Bradeen, decided by the Maine Supreme Judicial Court on September 1, 2026. The parents disagreed over the religious upbringing of their daughter, and the mother had been taking her to Calvary Chapel Greater Portland. According to the court record, the child was exposed to teachings concerning Heaven, Hell, salvation, the Second Coming, and the Antichrist. The court found that the child became increasingly fearful about what these teachings meant for people she loved, particularly her father. She reportedly worried that her father would not go to Heaven and that he could be left behind when Christ returned. The court record also described panic attacks associated with some of these fears.

As Christians, however, we have to be careful about how we respond to that information because Hell is in the Bible. Judgment is in the Bible. The return of Christ is in the Bible. Sin, repentance, salvation, Heaven, and eternal consequences are all part of Scripture. We cannot begin removing portions of God's Word simply because they are uncomfortable or difficult to explain. If we believe the Bible is the Word of God, then our responsibility is to teach the whole counsel of Scripture rather than selecting only the portions that make us feel good.

But I believe there is another question that Christian parents and ministry leaders should be willing to ask: How are we teaching those truths to children?

Teaching biblical truth and understanding how to disciple a child through biblical truth are not necessarily the same thing. Children are still developing emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. A five-year-old, an eleven-year-old, and a sixteen-year-old may all be capable of learning the same biblical truth, but that does not necessarily mean we should explain it to all three children in exactly the same way. The truth doesn't have to change for our approach to be age appropriate.

There is also an important detail in this case that I don't believe Christians should overlook. According to the court, while the custody dispute was underway, the pastor devoted approximately six and a half minutes of a church service to praying specifically about the family's court battle. The parents and child were reportedly referred to by name almost thirty times. The father was described as needing salvation, the legal dispute was presented in spiritual-warfare terms, and what the eleven-year-old girl was experiencing was characterized as persecution. The mother knew beforehand that the case would be discussed during the service and nevertheless had her daughter present.

For me, that changes part of the conversation.

We are no longer asking only whether children should be taught about Hell or the return of Christ. We also have to ask whether a child should be placed in the middle of an adult conflict between her mother, her father, her church, and the court system. A child should not have to feel as though loving one parent somehow puts her on the wrong side of God. Nor should a child be made to carry responsibility for another adult's salvation. Those are burdens that children were never meant to carry.

That distinction is particularly important because the lower court did not simply find that teaching a child a biblical worldview was harmful. In fact, the court specifically distinguished between harm arising merely from a belief system rooted in the Bible and what it believed was happening in this particular family. Its concern involved the parents' inability to co-parent, the child's emotional response, and religious messages that the court believed were contributing to alienation between the daughter and her father. The Maine Supreme Judicial Court ultimately upheld the lower court's decision.

At the same time, I don't think Christians should ignore the religious-liberty and parental-rights questions this case raises. Courts deciding which parent receives authority over a child's religious upbringing should get our attention. The Maine Supreme Judicial Court concluded that a court may allocate that authority between parents according to the child's best interests as long as the decision does not favor or disfavor a parent simply because of that parent's religion. The mother's attorneys have indicated that they intend to seek review from the United States Supreme Court, which means this legal discussion may not be over.

But beyond the courtroom, I think this case gives Christian parents an opportunity to examine something happening much closer to home.

Scripture tells parents in Ephesians 6:4 to bring their children up in the “nurture and admonition of the Lord.” I love that Scripture doesn't give us only admonition. There is nurture, too. There is teaching, correction, guidance, patience, protection, and care. Our responsibility isn't simply to make sure our children can repeat Bible stories or quote Scripture. We are helping shape their understanding of who God is.

That means when we teach children about sin, we should also teach them about repentance and forgiveness. When we teach about judgment, we should also teach about mercy. When we teach about Hell, we should also teach them why Christ came. When we teach about obedience, we should help them understand God's character and why obedience matters. When we teach about the consequences of our choices, we should also teach them about grace, restoration, and redemption.

This is something that matters deeply to me because it is at the heart of why I created Angel Travelers. I don't simply want children to know that Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, Cain killed Abel, Noah built an ark, or David defeated Goliath. I want children to understand what those biblical accounts reveal about God and what they teach us about our own choices, relationships, obedience, consequences, forgiveness, and responsibility.

There is a difference between knowing a Bible story and knowing the God of the Bible.

There is also a difference between teaching children to fear God and teaching children to be afraid of God. Biblical fear of the Lord involves reverence, awe, respect, obedience, and recognition of God's authority. That is very different from a child lying awake terrified that God is waiting for an opportunity to punish them or believing that they personally carry responsibility for whether someone they love will be saved.

And this is where I believe the responsibility comes back to us as parents.

We cannot place the entire responsibility for our children's spiritual development on the church. The church may teach them for an hour or two each week, but we live with them. We hear their questions. We see their fears. We know when something is bothering them. We have the opportunity to open the Bible with them and say, “Let's see what God's Word actually says.”

If your child comes home from church frightened by something they heard, don't automatically dismiss the teaching, but don't automatically dismiss the child either. Ask questions. What did you hear? What do you think it means? What are you afraid will happen? Then go to Scripture together. Sometimes the problem may be that something was explained poorly. Sometimes a child may have misunderstood what was said. Sometimes the teaching may have been completely biblical, but the child needs help understanding it within the larger context of God's character.

And sometimes, as uncomfortable as it may be to admit, adults can mishandle Scripture.

Being a pastor, parent, teacher, or ministry leader does not make any of us incapable of getting something wrong. That is another reason our children need to learn how to read and understand Scripture for themselves. Eventually, they will encounter teachers we haven't chosen, opinions we don't agree with, cultural messages that contradict Scripture, and even religious voices claiming that God said something He did not say. If all we have taught our children is to believe whatever a trusted adult tells them about God, we haven't fully prepared them.

We need to raise children who know how to go back to the Word.

That is why I don't believe the lesson from this Maine case should simply be, “Look, they're trying to stop Christians from taking their children to church.” Nor do I think the lesson should be, “Church teachings are psychologically harmful to children.” Both conclusions are too easy.

The harder conversation is much more important.

How do we faithfully teach children the whole Word of God while recognizing the responsibility we have for how we shepherd their developing hearts and minds? How do we teach them that God is holy without leaving out that God is loving? How do we teach consequences without leaving out redemption? How do we prepare them for difficult biblical truths without turning Christianity into a religion driven entirely by fear?

And perhaps one of the most uncomfortable questions this case raises is this: When our children are frightened by something they have been taught about God, do we automatically assume the child needs correcting—or are we willing to examine how we taught it?

We should never be ashamed of God's Word. We should never water Scripture down simply to make Christianity more comfortable. But we should also never use “I'm just telling them what the Bible says” as an excuse not to examine whether we are discipling children with wisdom, patience, context, and love.

Our goal should not simply be raising children who go to church.

It should not simply be raising children who know Bible stories.

It should not even be raising children who know all the “right” Christian answers.

Our goal should be raising children who know God for themselves, know His Word for themselves, and are developing the spiritual maturity to recognize truth for themselves.

That is a much greater responsibility.

And for me, it reinforces why resources that help parents bring biblical conversations into the home are so important. Church should support what we are doing, but discipleship cannot begin and end on Sunday morning.

So I would love to hear from other Christian parents: Where do you believe the line should be drawn? Should a court ever be able to restrict where a parent takes a child to worship because of the psychological impact of particular teachings? And how do you teach your children difficult biblical truths without allowing fear to become the foundation of their relationship with God?

Those are conversations worth having.